


Steps

by darkroses



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dark, Drabble, Implied Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Loneliness, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:58:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkroses/pseuds/darkroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unable to cope with his brother's death, Sam makes a fateful choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steps

The blowing wind did not ease the ache in his soul. It didn’t relieve the emptiness that he felt to his very core. Sam looked up at the sky and breathed deep. He reminded himself he was alone and this is what he wanted.

_“If you walk out that door don’t you ever come back.”_

One door opens as another door closes. He could do this. He could be alone. He had been alone. It had been years since those fateful words. Sticks and stones have broken Sam’s bones. Words hurt him down to his very being and took away everything that mattered to him. Words left him without family, without someone to pick him up when he fell. Sam was tired of being alone.

Another deep breath, _“I got you, Sammy.”_ Sam could almost feel the steadying hand on his arm. It was a phantom touch of a time when perhaps he was important in the world or maybe just important to someone.

Sam closed his eyes and he listened to the bird's chirp. One step forward and then another, Sam could hear the water from the river. The steadiness of the bridge did not do justice to how unsteady Sam felt inside. One step forward and then another, the creak of the old wood made Sam snap his eyes open. He almost wanted to fight this but he had been fighting for so long. He wanted to fly.

One step forward and then another, he would feel the wind beneath his shoes. He could smell the water. One step forward and then another, he closed his eyes as he braced himself for the fall. He braced himself to fly for those last few moments until everything wrong in the world ended.

Only he didn’t fly. Sam felt a pulling on the back of his shirt and a gruff voice, _“What the Hell is wrong with you?”_ Sam felt arms wrap around him and he tried to struggle away. The arms were stronger than him and they wouldn’t let go.

One step backwards and then another, the bridge felt unsteady now. Much more unsteady than it ever did before. He let himself sag and cry. One step backwards and then another, he was tired of being alone. He wanted to fly but he couldn’t.

Sam opened his eyes as the ground beneath him became steady again. He was alone again. He put his hand up to the necklace around his neck. Sam grabbed hold of the amulet and closed his eyes. He breathed deep. Three months and twenty-nine days, he tried to hold on but he couldn’t anymore.

One deep breath then another. One step then another toward the water. The ghosts of his past don’t grab him. He spreads his wings as the wind blows and this time he flies. He can feel the wind hold onto him as he soars through the sky. He can feel the wetness of the water. Sam can see his life. It all seems so clear now.

One breath but he cannot take another. This is what it feels like. There is a sharp ache in his chest and he wants his father to protect him. Sam knew this would hurt but each time his lungs try to breathe it hurt a little more. He lets himself go. He lets himself fade.

Death does not come easy and destiny cannot be avoided. The water is replaced with fire and blood. The ground is unsteady beneath him. One step forward echoes another scream from deep within his soul. One step forward and then another as darkness surrounds him. Sam feels something he never felt before. He felt powerful.

One deep breath but no air entered his lungs. It was a sign of what was done. One step forward and then another. He follows a trail of blood and suffering. One step and then another. He finds a rack. He can hear her screams. Sam can see the demon torturing her. He’s seen this demon before. _“I got you, Sammy.”_

One step backwards and then another. Sam wants to fly but he can’t. His wings have been clipped.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment moderation is only because of the trolls I've had to deal with on my other stories. Please feel free to leave a comment. I will get them approved as quickly as possible. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. I am always amazed when someone actually reads the crap I write.


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